When we talk to people we sometimes tend to fall into a trap of negative qualifiers. Qualifiers are words used affirm a contextual position of both people in the conversation When you meet someone in order to make sure the person qualified for you to talk with you send out words that reflect your inner feelings, or expectations of that person. You might use slang or words that have theological, political, and sexual, connotations, so that ultimately you can see how far you want to communicate with them.
For example you might comment on a person who is homosexual and say” I don’t know if thats what God wants” In this statement the person is playing mental chess and wants to see two thing if the person he/she is talking to believes in God and if they agree with homosexuality. This is very dangerous and destructive for us socially because of the aggressive tone that you set in the conversation. This also might make someone who is more passive agree with your negativity when in truth they don’t want to agree with you at all. On the other hand you might have an aggressive person respond equally negative or better for the sake of the confrontation, and personal views.
When we engage in conversation with people with the intention of building lasting relationships we need to look at what kind of qualifier we send the other person. If you wanted to build a relationship with your religious advisor you don’t immediately try and qualify with them on the negative aspects but the positive. So if you are trying to gain a positive relation ship with some one you might not want to use the negative qualifiers.
For example you want to engage a person in a religious conversation but have different views you should make a statement like “I am happy that God has blessed us and has given us the opportunity to talk to each other” This statement gives the players an opportunity to be one in a belief in God, and a belief that God has allowed/ arranged the conversation to happen. This opens the hearts and minds of those involved and is very constructive. A passive person, who might have shunned away from the conversation, might be affected positively by this statement and open up to speak. This approach is probable to be positive with the aggressive person because you have not attacked his belief system or personal beliefs.
The point is that our words have such strength that it only takes one to change the relationships we share with one another. If we understand this we might become more aware of the types of words we use in the introduction. When we consciously think of the qualifiers we use we might be able to create more connection between cultures and social circles.
